A Reader's Reaction

I received a lot of mail in response to the article "The Face of Guilt," which came out in yesterday's PHILIPPINE STAR issue. As expected, they were mostly from men. I would say that half were favorable replies: expressions of disbelief at the continuing cavalier attitude of fellow men regarding infidelity, and empowering and inspirational words for women to exercise their rights. The other half was real mud slinging from men who think that partners of cheating men deserve what comes to them.

Anyway, one letter stood out and struck me. I grant the author anonymity but share it with you here to show how double-sided everything in the world is. There may not be a forum for such voices to be heard and there may not be many like this gentleman, who is courageous enough to speak of the demon that we call "Infidelity." Let's call him Mr. A.

"Good day to you. Your article regarding the face of guilt has made an impression to me and it clearly stressed about the hurts infidelity may cause. Though the majority will agree, men do not have a monopoly on this issue. Far from it. I am one of the many silent men who have suffered betrayal from a spouse who is unfaithful. This betrayal happened many years ago, and right now we are still physically together, but emotionally apart. I just wanna share my experience and hope that someday I may have a marriage that is happy again. I know this letter is quite short but I find it hard to express myself more. I do hope I wouldhear her say "I have done wrong and would like to make amends."

I feel for Mr. A. But we have to remind each other that we are not powerless, that the CHOICE is very much ours on how to address the issue. The concerns are many and varied, i.e. children, finances, religion, etc. Ultimately, only the person involved has the right and the power to change things or to maintain the status quo according to what best fits his purpose.

We have to take this issue seriously and use the tools that are readily available: professional counselors and therapists, religious confessors and life coaches. But if all else fails, see a damn good lawyer and brace yourself for the fight of your life. You are worth it!

So, to Mr. A., the best of luck. Hugs and prayers.