Can Do

The “can do” attitude opens any door for any man including any woman’s bedroom, any place, anytime. Now, if only he had it…

The Sixties feminist movement had turned gender roles on its head and spun it around many times over but now, in what we call the “post-feminist era,” the world acknowledges that female empowerment does not necessarily mean pitting men against women. It finally recognizes that the emancipation of women need not cancel peaceful and gracious coexistence between the sexes. It is, therefore, quite a relief that catering to the opposite sex has ceased to be viewed as gender weakness. But in spite of all these, doting men are harder to find than a President capable of elevating the plight of our country.

I consider myself fortunate to have been raised in a family with “can do” men who are readily available for assistance of any sort. They don’t make a conscious effort; it is something that comes as naturally as brushing their teeth in the morning. From extending a guiding grip in crossing the street, to carrying packages, to lighting cigarettes from way across the table, to abandoning previous engagements to lend an ear to a troubled sibling, they know that the words: “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it,” instantly takes the edge off of any woman’s distress.

Now that we are preoccupied with very different lives and responsibilities and live halfway across the globe from each other, I have forgotten how heartwarming it is to hear a man say, “Akong bahala.” These words, said: “I’ll take care of it,” in English, when uttered by a man, have become a scarce commodity since they have somehow come to allude to a woman’s weakness. The modern woman instantly becomes defensive the moment she hears them.

Here, then, is the question: do women automatically respond in kind and cater to chivalrous, generous, and nurturing men or do men become solicitous because women are subservient? Do the math. But honestly, when it concerns relationships, I don’t think there’s any figuring this equation out because we’re either in too deep in power play or we have simply stopped caring and have focused instead on our own selves, the other person be darned.

These days, I think that a woman probably has to pay for such privileged treatment and boy, I couldn’t have been closer to the truth! I was onboard a ship where 50 percent of the crew of 1,000 is Filipino and in the service industry, especially in the cruise industry where passenger satisfaction translates to revenue, there is nothing more important than the “can do” attitude. I have spoken to our kababayans—our modern-day heroes—who have left home to sustain their families financially, inadvertently propping up our economy. They all concur that the one thing that has secured their tenure in this highly competitive profession is the “can do” attitude. I bump into “can do” men around the ship on an hourly basis, in their starched uniforms with shiny brass buttons stuck on their epaulets, aching to be of service. Did I just die and get catapulted to heaven?

Thirty-year-old Ian Bautista, the ship’s IT technician who has been with the cruise industry for five contracts (each contract is six months long) says that, “We’re here to help every passenger; there is nothing we cannot do for them. If their request is something out of our area of expertise, we endorse is to someone qualified—immediately! Hindi ho pwede yung ‘hindi kaya’ dapat parating ‘kaya.’”

Guest Relations Officer, Charlie Salazar’s standing tag line is, “Please let me know if there’s something I can help you with,” and he means it!

Ariel Macala, the ships Cellar Master who has been in the industry for 11 years says, “We can do anything; we do everything to give the guests the best vacation of their lives.”

I asked Head Bartender of ten years, Inocencio Gabuyo, if he ever gets tired of maintaining the “can do” attitude and he answered, “I’ve never thought about it that way; it’s part of my job, part of me, it’s just always there in my head.”

Redentor Rint, Assistant Sommelier, who has served nine years in the cruise industry, said, when asked how often homesickness gets in the way of a job well-done, “It’s always there; we miss our families, but we’ve been able to do it and we do it well.”

It is some kind of Puritan work ethic that these OFWs have, which has sustained them through bouts of homesickness and separation anxiety, it is their inner reserves of emotional strength and fortitude of character that perpetuates their lifestyle and chosen profession. It is often desperate financial need that drives these men overseas in search of better fortune but many who did not adopt the “can do” attitude have tried and failed.

I asked all of them if upon returning home to their wives and families, they sustain the same attitude and they answered that sure, they do. And their wives in turn pamper them.
So, I asked them the same chicken or egg question, “Are they subservient because you cater to them or is it the other way around?” Inocencio Gabuyo’s answer was, “Does it really matter?”

Not willing to be silenced just yet, I badgered them some more and asked if it sometimes works the other way around, if having to uphold the “can do” attitude on the job at all times exhausts them, making them cranky and impatient with their own families. They all gave me a definitive “No”. Their wives should be so lucky!

Gone are the days when Filipino men fetched water for their intended and serenaded them atop balconies. Nowadays, it is cause for a woman to jump for joy if a man as much as opens the door for her or offers to pay the dinner tab. I’m not saying that those were better days—definitely not—because women didn’t have a voice or a vote back then. We are perfectly fine where we are in time and place; all I’m saying is, wouldn’t it be nice?

Here in the home country, culture dictates that the Filipino man must be pampered by maids and babied by his mother. A wife who doesn’t oblige him is considered unfit. But when he is thousands of miles away from home, sailing in the high seas, toiling to serve total strangers with the widest of smiles and the most enthusiastic of spirits, he finds the biggest treasure any man could ever discover: generosity of self.