Fathering Children

I have been reading up on parenting ever since I became one--25 years ago with Maverick; I probably have gone through hundreds of thousands of pages by now. Occasionally, a specific writer grabs my focus either because of his take on the whole subject or his innovative slant or angle that makes the subject more interesting, but very seldom am I arrested by the wisdom of a piece, after all, what hasn't been said about parenting?

Recently, I came across this piece by Ron Leadbetter, father and journalist. Bells rang in my mind as I read on. I hung on to every word and every insight, because everything resonated. He said:

"As I understand daddies, they are playful and willing to take time with children. They actually enjoy being with their sons and daughters, creating new games, watching the stars, sharing their understanding informally, and thus teaching in the best way possible. The teaching aspect of daddies may lapse into the formal instruction of fathers, but I want to emphasize how much men impart to their children in play that is truly teaching about how to be joyful and engaged with the world..."

"But most of all, a father needs to be protector. That is a role most wanted by children, I think--and the one most often NOT fulfilled. Children want to know that home is a safe place where someone will make sure bad things don't happen. They want to know that someone will always be there to stand between them and danger. Of course it is not possible to protect children from everything that comes into the home or goes on outside in the world. But we still want a protective father, rather than a competitor or abuser."

I wonder how many fathers know this?

Leadbetter went on to say that a daughter who grows up feeling unsafe and insecure because of the absence of a father/protector figure will go on in life engaging with similarly dysfunctional men because she may not know any better. Her childhood male role model was flawed and so this is the type she gravitates toward. This is her concept of an "ideal" man. And so her journey of filling that void veers farther and farther away from its destination.

We should all do something about this so our children grow up whole.