Another Year

People of a certain age find themselves, at strategic points in each year, stopping and reassessing their lives. This happens mostly around milestone occasions: birthdays, anniversaries, job promotions, or in grim situations like the death of someone close, or a separation from a loved one. This post is one of those, so please indulge me.

I turn a year older today without pomp and fanfare. The day sort of sneaked in from nowhere following a few months of havoc and confusion wreaked by that tsunami that washed over what I thought was my "orderly" life. I was completely blind-sided. Hurt? Yes. Humiliated? Yes. Defeated? Never. Like I always tell my six kids whenever they take on life's blows, dust yourselves off and soldier on. Soldier on I did and picked up many lessons along the way that are now worth their weight in gold.

What lessons?

1. That the mind is a most powerful thing; so powerful that if willed, it can sustain one even through the most painful of circumstances. It cushions blows. It works as a salve and a soothing balm to a wounded soul. It douses one's hurt over with a bubble bath of humor. It arms one with a steeled determination to get back in control. It showers one with grace and courage to let everything go and simply keep on hoping.

2. That family is the only haven there is other than oneself and one's mind. Maverick and Kitty are my archangels, my champions, my life. My sister is my anchor; she grounds me. She keeps me from meandering, from trapping myself in labyrinths with no minotaurs. My cousins are my sanctuary; they give me safe shelter.

3. That the wounded are never alone. That angles are always sent from above so one can alight upon their wings for a restful reprieve in between personal battles. One must simply be open and aware so he may recognize them and let them do their job. They come in the form of friends, of books, of strangers who happen to drop in a casual word at the most opportune time--when one is on the brink of something unpleasant. Stop and listen and see. They are there.

Two angels came to me. The first one was in the form of an Aunt, Ellen, who said, "Let everything go. All those are beyond your control. Do not mire yourself in anger or negative thoughts because the people you direct them toward are all creatures of God with talents given by him. Let everything be. Evolve. Make your own peace inside yourself. Then you'll find what you're looking for. No one can ever give it to you. You must find it."

The second one was in the form of a Greek God. He said to me, "Don't worry about anything. I'll take care of it."

Yes, my life is still chaotic. Order seems to have flown out the window. I have not shaken off this massive writer's block. It is November and I have not purchased a single present, when in times of peace my Christmas list would have been all crossed out by October. I have neglected the kids' dental appointments. I haven't cut my hair in four months. I have shelved my thesis. But like my aunt had said, "So what? Let go!"

And so I am.