Collateral Damage

I have discovered this about all my children: during the initial years of their involvement in after-school activities like piano, violin, ballet, basketball, taekwondo, swimming lessons, etc., they struggled with the commitment to the routine of attending sessions, week after week, when they could very well be at home doing free play or burying their noses in their electronic games.

It was difficult to keep them motivated. The stress of having to argue the point of commitment and dedication and learning took its toll on both them and me time and again. I kept repeating the mantra of, "your skills define who you are," and "doing something difficult builds character," and "learning is its own reward," but somewhere in the middle of that, I started questioning them too. There were lots of tears and bargaining and it just become too emotionally taxing to keep them motivated. It was way too much effort. But just as I threw the white towel in, I noticed that at around a certain age, somewhere between 9 and 10, something clicks--they experience an aha! moment. They either begin to understand the whole point, or their body starts responding to the sport, or they develop if not an attachment, an enjoyment of the music that they play.

Belli had hers much earlier than the rest--at around eight years old, when she grew to love ballet. But it was a different story for her violin lessons. It took much longer. It was only two years ago, when she turned ten, that she came up to me and said, "I'm gonna practice some more because I really want to improve in violin." She never looked back.

So there truly is that tipping point for children, when they start to appreciate or even look forward to the lessons we enroll them in, when they truly become one with it and take it a step further on their own. So, Moms, please persevere; you just might be on the cusp of the period of reckoning. Please don't give up just yet. I promise, the aha! moment will come. It will take lots of time but it will definitely come.

It has been the same for Bidi with his basketball and taekwondo lessons. He comes home now saying, "I luuurv basketball!" or "I really wanna beat someone up in taekwondo," as a joke. What a dramatic turn around when he used to throw mega temper tantrums just to get out of having to attend lessons. He tried every trick in the book: from feigning illness to bribing me with his savings.

The same goes for Pippi with her swimming and piano lessons. Now piano playing is her pick-up activity. Straight from school in the afternoons, with backpack still slung behind her, she stands in front of the piano and plays it for long periods, oblivious to everything else. I have to actually remove the backpack from her because she thinks it's a waste of piano playing time for her to stop for one second and take it off.

The struggle, however, continues with six-year-old Mouse, who mounts a one-man revolution each time she has to go to piano and ballet lessons. I'm talking Oscar-award performances here and honestly, I feel like I'm getting too old for this. But I have got to hang on to my own words... but when I do the math--she's 6--it means I have to endure another three years of her Bella Flores-ish acting. I might not last that long.

Anyway, I shall digress onto an interesting story about Bidi's new found love affair with Teakwondo. Coach Tyrone has recently called our attention to his remarkable improvement in the last months. I credit this to his recent aha! moment concerning the sport. So, he has, in fact, gotten much stronger in his moves.

Well, last Saturday, he was forced to spar with A, an exceptional, lovable girl his age, who is a family friend, neighbor, and carpool mate. They are practically brother and sister, which is why we have repeatedly asked the coaches never to pit them against each other. But they so happened to be short on partners that day so they ended up face to face for the first time. To get to the bottom quick, A had to be taken to the ER for a fractured finger. Her Mom told me over the phone and I was in a bind on whether to tell Bidi or not because A only complained of pain long after she had gone home from the session.

"Bidi will never forgive himself if he finds out," I told A's mom, knowing how much concern and brotherly affection he has for A. A's mom said, "Don't tell him na lang." But I figured I had to because he would see the cast on Monday anyway when they ride to school together.

And so I did tell him, very gently. repeating over and over again how it wasn't his fault, and it was what was considered collateral damage. His face said it all. There were tears wanting to come out, I could clearly see, but he held back. He just kept nodding to what I had to say.

Monday came and went and when I asked him yesterday if he apologized to A in the car he said, "Yes, in the car, in school, all day, for around one million times. I really, really, want her to get better fast."

I went to Bizu and bought two big boxes of macaroons--Bidi's absolute favorite. I showed them to him and said, "I got one for A and one for you." To which he replied, "Thanks, but please give them both to her." My jaw dropped because he normally would kill for those macaroons.