Out of Control

Cruella de Ville is never ever far behind, this, I keep learning over and over. Just when I relax and think that her personality has finally assumed some form of gentleness, she strikes again. This time, it is at the children--innocent, guileless, defenseless creatures, who are too young to be introduced to the meanness of the world.

She has repeatedly told one of my children to her face that she needs a nose job and should have it done soon. She has told another child four times that braces are needed. When the child voiced out an honest concern, "But I'm afraid to look like a geek," Cruella replied, "But you already look like a rabbit, so what's the difference?" What incredible damage she is able to do to a child's floundering self-image. But no, the kids are very secure in who and what they are.

She fights with them--these six to twelve-year-olds--on a regular basis, She does the dramatic walk-out, the I-won't-sit-beside-you-on-the-dinner-table affront, and name-calling, voice-raising.

I am too shocked to say anything. What drives an adult to the depths of despair as to behave like this? What kind of human being thinks and acts this way? The only answer I can find is that she was abused as a child. I may never know the answer so I may never make sense of this.

As all these incidents unfold, I have chosen to take a back seat and be a spectator and watch how the children react. They do hold their own; behaving two times more of an adult than she could ever be: patient, courteous until the final moment when they absolutely need to vent out to prevent full-blown explosions. I let them snap, crackle, and pop at her in limited, subtle ways, using proper words--we've had to figure out coping mechanisms. I do meticulously process all the incidents with them immediately after to get their moral compass always facing straight up north and to neutralize the anger that is building up against her.

They get extremely exasperated, as I, but I explain that hey, the real world is filled with people like that, it's good practice. Then they retort, "Sure, we know that already, but family?" One of the children holds the best insight, I think: "She's insane," he said, which could just darn well be right.