Freudian Slip

The conversation was about relationships. A cousin-in-law was recounting how his teenage daughter had started asking him about his past relationships, demanding specifics at certain points. “Just how much information do I give her?” he asked us, a group of middle-aged women.

“As little as possible!” we all rang out in a chorus.
His brother, who was well within earshot, swiveled his chair to face us and butted in, “Play safe, just follow the golden rule, bro, you know, the rule of three. Tell her you had three girlfriends—three relationships ranging from three months to three years. Don’t be the genius that you are and mention the three-day one.”

“Listen to your brother,” the women said, “He seems to know what he’s talking about.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “So I’ll just tell my daughter that I had three wholesome, monotonous relationships. No! MONOGAMOUS! I meant monogamous!”

He immediately realized the faux pas but his efforts to redeem himself the whole night were unsuccessful. All 18 dinner guests had rip-roaring fun at his expense.

A Freudian slip, or parapraxis, according to Wikipedia, is an error of speech, memory, or physical action, that is believed to be caused by the unconscious mind. Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), the famous Austrian physician who founded the psychoanalytical school of psychology, would have risen from his grave if he could that night, for yet another triumph over the accuracy of his theory on the subliminal mind—the deepest, darkest, most latent thoughts and desires of humans—and how it manifests itself subconsciously.

Freudian slips are what such involuntarily spoken words have come to be known because Freud believed that verbal slips come from repressed desires. These are very telling mistakes that compromise the speaker in different ways, sometimes costing him so much more than just earning clown status for a few hours.

Freud is best known for his theories on the unconscious mind and on the defense mechanism of repression. He is also known for his redefinition of sexual desire as the primary motivational energy of human life. He believed that man’s psyche is saturated with only two types of thoughts: sex and death, and that its most intricate workings are fueled solely by these two concepts. As civilization advanced, boundaries of propriety were defined and the open expressions of these were pronounced taboo, so that man has had to bury them in the recesses of his mind. But from time to time, at man’s most unguarded moments, these potent thoughts surface. In more simple terms, Freudian slips are words that are consciously repressed but unconsciously released. Freud had described such thoughts, as being very faithful to a man’s frame of mind and emotions, as violently as he may disown them.

And so, going back to the previous conversation, did my cousin-in-law just reveal his most secret thoughts on how monogamous relationships are indeed monotonous? Absolutely!

I can say with confidence that those who have been in exclusive relationships for long periods of time agree with this, as bold a statement as might be. In fact, it takes hard work to sustain the excitement in any long-term union. A friend who likes to improvise and whose wife guards him like a hawk, prefers to call it "hard labor in a maximum security facility," and based on the same premise, refers to himself a “lifer.”

One of my favorite authors, Pulitzer-prize winner Jhumpa Lahiri, through one of her short stories said that, “When couples get married, the relationship disappears.” This may not be very far from the truth. The tedium of the everyday just about murders whatever magic there might be in any relationship be it subliminal or otherwise. Those who have partners who snore like dying cows; who pick their noses compulsively as though it were their sole purpose in life; who shower the world profusely with saliva every time they speak; who, not only refuse to open doors, but beat you to entering once you open it yourself; who think they look like Brad Pitt, when in fact, Will Ferrel in Blades of Glory or Seth Rogen in Knocked Up might be the more realistic look-alike; whose idea of a stimulating conversation is a quick exchange on how Manny Pacquiao should spend his millions; who give you dried-flower arrangements instead of fresh cut flowers for your birthday so they last forever and expect a pat on the back for practicality, know exactly what I’m talking about.

Cautionary tales have been disseminated time and again by the experienced, older generation to the young ones who contemplate marriage but has there ever been a concrete and concerted effort to truly catalogue what lies in store, several years down the road, when monotony, may in fact, describe the relationship more accurately than monogamy?

A wise female professor, who is now in her sixties, pointed out how truly incongruous the mentality of men and women are. “We are on completely different planes,” she said. She hadn’t reinvented the wheel with this statement but she went on to explain that this disparity between the sexes doesn’t get as clear as when couples reach the golden years. “When a man hits 6o years old, he looks forward to retiring, to slowing down, and to finally spending time at home with family. But the wife, who at around this age—well within the menopause years—is raring to go forth and conquer the world. You see,” she went on, “During menopause, a woman’s center of procreation is literally shut down, so all the energy for creation must be channeled somewhere else. This is why every menopausal woman suddenly busies herself with all sorts of projects. The last thing she wants is to stay home and be idle. That’s how incongruous it is.”

I had a moment of clarity after she said all that. Things suddenly became clear, a bit skewed and all—yes, but clear nonetheless. Taking these two arguments together, it may be reasonable to say that we get bored with our respective partners until we hit sixty, and then we finally have legitimate biological and chemical reasons to strike out on our own. Not funny; I know, but it was quite liberating to actually say so.

Back to monogamy and monotony. Have we finally come upon the real reason why men huddle together and migrate to one side of the room at parties and women on the other? That it’s because they find their relationships monotonous? Well, we’ll have them know that the reason women clump together as a formidable group at such occasions is to discuss them: how their very own loud snores rouse them into rude awakenings; how their feet stink so much that they make dead rats smell like a botanical garden; and how they break wind every time they crouch to put on their trousers because their tummies get squished in the process, releasing all the trapped air. So mean; yes, I know. But that’s what happens when women get bored. What about when men get bored, what do they do? Sometimes they simply talk; at others, they do! But let’s not go there.

So what must men and women do until they hit 60? Laugh at ourselves, at each other, and the world at large, I guess. And what of those who don’t have a sense of humor? Well, there’s not much choice but to grin and bear it!